impleri

Yeah, Hospice. If you don't know what Hospice is, let me tell you…Hospice is a health organization that only steps into patient care when the patient has less than three months left to live…with 100% certainty. Basically what happens is, is that the patient has reached a point in his health care that nothing else can be done to prolong life and the patient is given the choice to remain in the hospital (in ICU) where the experts can't prevent the inevitable or to go home and be given a bed, oxygen, etc where the amateurs can't prevent the inevitable. Friday afternoon, my grandfather was brought home by Hospice. They give him one to two weeks…tops. Dialysis is no longer an option; his liver and kidneys are completely shot. They said quite frankly that they don't expect him to live longer than a few days because of the accumulation of toxins in the body. His entire family is going to visit him tomorrow and let his last few days be as calm and peaceful as possible. What does one do knowing that death is coming in the next few days? How does one live? i find that to be quite appalling. Of course, my grandmother, my great-grandmother (grandfather's mom), my great-uncles (grandfather's brothers) my father, and my uncle will take it the hardest because they are his immediate family. My great-grandmother has to bury her son now (she already buried her husband)…That must be weighing tremendously on her. How does one live knowing that (s)he at 93 will have to bury his/her son? That must be really difficult. My grandmother has come to acceptance of the fact, but that won't make the grieving any easier when the time comes. Same with my father and his brother. i know that in my case, i was close to my grandfather…not quite a son, but not simply a grandson and i know that when that day comes (in the next week or so), i will grieve…somewhat normally because i see my grandfather at peace with everything (which is what is giving me strength through these days right now), but i still break down and sob. This journal right here is also something that helps me to collect my thoughts are reflect on things without holding things in. Sometimes, i just don't know what to do or what to think…i normally know what should be, but in this case, the rules and teachings and sayings are out the window. i don't see this as a reflection of the Problem of Evil nor as something God is causing. The thing i find myself questioning is: “Does God 'allow' people into heaven that did not say a handful of words known as the sinners prayer or does he do it on the basis of one's lifestyle and choices, regardless of the words spoken?” i have heard of people dying screaming and kicking because they say demons, but i see my grandfather so peacefully resting watching the Food Network (even though he can't eat any of it). One regret i currently have is not being able to cook more meals with him. i started doing it about twice a month for the last few months, but with all the hospitalizations, finals, job hunting, etc, i've been putting it aside until later, but now, i can't make anything that he can eat. i just don't know right now.