impleri

The ones in bold are quite me.
You probably from Louisiana if…
1. You’ve ever wore shorts at Christmas time.
2. You pronounce Lafayette as “Laffy-ette” not “La-fy-ette”.
3. You learned to drive a boat before you could drive a car.
4. You know the meaning of a “Delcambre Reeboks”. (that would be a pair of all white fishing boots)
5. You offer somebody a “coke” and then ask them what kind: Coca-Cola, Dr. Pepper, Pepsi, 7Up?
6. You can name all of your 3rd cousins.
7. You plan your wedding around hunting season & LSU football.
8. You greet people with “Ha’s ya momma’an’dem?” and hear back “Dey fine!”
9. Every so often, you have waterfront property.
10. When giving directions you use words like “uptown”, “downtown”,”backatown”, riverside”, “lakeside”, “northshore”, “westbank”, “down the bayou” or “across the river”.
11. When you refer to a geographical location “way up North”, you are referring to places like Shreveport, Little Rock or Memphis, “where it gets real cold”!
12. Your burial plot is six feet over rather than six feet under.
13. You’ve ever had Community Coffee.
14. You can pronounce Tchoupitoulas but can’t spell it. (also,Thibodaux, Opelousas, Pontchartrain, Ouachita, Atchafalaya,)
15. You don’t worry when you see ships riding higher in the river than the top of your house. 16. You judge a po-boy by the number of napkins used. (Amen) You Got dat rite!
17. The waitress at your local sandwich shop tells you a fried oyster po-boy “dressed” is healthier than a Caesar salad.
18. You know the definition of “dressed”.
19. You can eat Popeye’s, Haydel’s and Zapp’s for lunch and wash it down with Barq’s and several Abitas, without losing it all on your stoop.
20. The smell of a crawfish boil turns you on more than HBO.
21. You “wrench” your hands in the sink with an onion bar to get the crawfish smell off.
22. You’re not afraid when someone wants to “ax you something”.
23. You go by “ya-mom-en-’dems” on Good Friday for family supper.
24. You don’t learn until high school that Mardi Gras is not a national holiday.
25. You don’t realize until high school what a “county” is.
26. You believe that purple, green and gold look good together (and you will even eat things those colors).
27. You go to buy a new winter coat. (what most people refer to as windbreakers)
28. Your last name isn’t pronounced the way it’s spelled.
29. You know what a nutria rat is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team. (Geaux Zephyrs)
30. You have a ditch on at least one side of your property.
31. You have spent a summer afternoon on the Lake Pontchartrain seawall catching blue crabs.
32. You describe a color as “K&B Purple”.
33. You like your rice and politics dirty.
34. When given the choice for Governor between a KKK leader and Edwin Edwards, it’s a difficult decision.
35. You pronounce the largest city in the state as “Newawlins”.
36. You know those big roaches can fly, but you’re able to sleep at night anyway.
37. You prefer skiing on the bayou.
38. You assume everyone has mosquito swarms in their backyard.
39. You realize the rainforest is less humid than Louisiana.
40. You can list all the ingredients of a gumbo or a jambalaya.
41. You go to the “boat”, but you don’t plan on spending any time over water.
42. When you’re in Baton Rouge you know the difference between the old bridge & the new bridge.
43. If you ever had to wait for the bridge to “come down” so you can get home.
44. If you pull for the Saints. (who else would?)
45. If you’ve ever been to a wedding and someone either danced in a #3 washtub or with a broom and this was considered normal.
46. You “make your groceries” or “save your dishes” or have an “ice box”.
47. You can’t think of anybody that can cook better than your momma.
48. You know when it’s appropriate to use “Tony Chachere’s”.
49. You know an old person that can “treat” you for warts.
50. The four seasons in your year are: crawfish, shrimp, crab and King Cake.

You know you’re from New Orleans when…
* You think sunglasses are supposed to fog up when you step outside.
* You don’t think it inappropriate to refer to a large adult male as “Li’l Bubba.”
* No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.
* Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner.
* Your accent sounds nothing like Harry Connick Jr’s.
* You can sing these jingles by heart: “Rosenberg’s, Rosenberg’s, 1825 Tulane” “At the beach, at the beach, the Pontchartrain Beach…”
* You were a high school graduate before you realized that Catholic and Public were not two major religions.
* Your baby’s first words are “long beads.”
* You ask, “How they running?” and “Are dey fat?” but you’re inquiring about seafood quality and not the Cresent City Classic.
* When a hurricane is imminent, you have a lot more faith in Nash Roberts than Super Doppler 6000.
* Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don’t care because you’re No. 1 on the party chart.
* Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever - not politics, hurricanes, redlights, parking tickets, the Saints, Mardi Gras…
* Your one-martini lunch becomes a five bloody-Mary afternoon…and you keep your job.
* Being in a jam at Tulane and Broad isn’t the same as being stuck in traffic.
* You’re walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer–When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.
* Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries with your seafood platter.
* You believe Ronnie Virgits should be archbishop.
* You have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip.
* You exhibit the “doubloon reflex” by stomping runaway coins with your foot.
* You have sno-ball stains on your shoes.
* You call tomato sauce “red gravy”.
* Your middle name is your mother’s maiden name or your father’s mother’s maiden name or your mother’s mother’s maiden name or your grandmother’s mother’s maiden name or your grandfather’s mother’s maiden name.
* You know you recycled too much newspaper when there isn’t enough for the crawfish table.
* You are going through customs and the agent asks you where you’re from and you answer, “Gentilly.”
* On certain spring days, Crawfish Monica is your breakfast.
* You eat sno-balls instead of throwing them.
* Your house payment is less than your utility bill.
* You’ve done your laundry in a bar.
* You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.
* You look forward to being smashed by a hurricane.
* You don’t show your “pretties” during Mardi Gras.
* Catching “crabs” makes you smile.
* You write “crookedpolitician” as all one word.
* You know it’s “ask” but you purposely say “ax”.
* You understand it when someone describes their favorite color as K&B purple.
* You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.
* You can “boo” the mayor on national television.
* Beignets are the major cause of your gallstones.
* You wear sweaters in October because it ought to be cold.
* Someone asks you “Where you at?” and you tell them how you are.
* You are left behind at an out-of-town bar searching for a “go cup”.
* You think of potholes as naturally occurring speed bumps.
* Your grandparents are called “Maw Maw” and “Paw Paw”.
* Your Santa Claus rides an alligator.
* Your favorite saint is a football player.
* You suck heads, sing the blues and you actually know where you got them shoes.
* You shake out your shoes before putting them on.
* You’re afraid to move away because you won’t be able to make groceries.
* You know that “super doppler” does not refer to a generously endowed woman’s chest.
* You know why you should never, ever swim by the Lake Pontchartrain steps (for more than one reason).
* You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a “New Orleans-based” movie or TV show.
* You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.
* You waste more time navigating back streets than you would if you just sat in traffic.
* You still call the Fairmont Hotel, the Roosevelt.
* You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting your parking space on a public street.
* You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.
* You ignore cockroaches because you know the only ones you could kill are the weak or infirmed, and it would only serve to strengthen the breed.
You know you’re a New Orleans native if…
…You proudly claim that ‘Monkey Hill’ is the highest point in Louisiana.
…You drive your car up onto the ‘neutral ground’ if it rains steadily and heavily for more than two hours.
…You have ‘flood’ insurance.
…Your idea of a ‘cruise ship’ is the Canal Street ferry, and your idea of a ‘foreign cruise ship’ is the Chalmette ferry.
…You know the ‘Irish Channel’ is not Gaelic-language programming on cable.
…You get on a bus marked ‘cemeteries’ without a second thought.
…You have no idea what a turn signal is or how to properly use it.
…You can cross two lanes of heavy traffic and U-turn through a neutral ground while avoiding two joggers and a streetcar, then fit into the oncoming traffic flow while never touching the brake.
…You can consistently be the second or third person to run a red stop light.
…You know how long you have to run to a store, get what you need and get back to your car before you get a parking ticket.
…You got rear-ended 10 times by people with no insurance.
…You take a `right-hand turn’ instead of a right turn.
…You get off the stoop, walk down the banquette and cross the neutral ground to go get a sno-ball.
…You judge a restaurant by its bread.
…The white stuff on your face is powdered sugar.
…You know better than to drink hurricanes or eat Lucky Dogs.
…You visit another city and they ‘claim’ to have Cajun food — but you know better.
…You have the opening date of any sno-ball stand in your Daytimer.
…You know that a ‘po-boy’ is not a guy who has no money, but a great-tasting French bread sandwich.
…The major topics of conversation when you go out to eat are restaurant meals that you have had in the past and restaurant meals that you plan to have in the future.
…You consider having a good meal as your birthright.
…You love “Maspero’s”, like the prices, hate the line, so you know to sit at the wonderfully old bar to place your order and enjoy.
…Your stomach can handle a dozen Manuel’s tamales at 3 a.m. after having a few at Markey or Saturn Bar.
…You can eat Popeyes original chicken, Haydel’s kingcake and Zapp’s while waiting for Zulu. Then you go to Jackson Square for a Central Grocery muffaletta with a Barq’s while sucking hot crawdads and cold Acme oysters, hurricanes and several Abitas. Then you can ride the St. Charles Avenue streetcar home past Camellia Grill for a chili/cheese omelette … without losing it all on your front stoop.
…You have gained 10 or 15 pounds permanently, but you don’t care anymore.
…Ya stood ya’selfs in da’ line by Galatoire’s.
…You think ‘drinking water’ when you look at the Mississippi River… but you know better.
…Someone at a crawfish boil says, `Don’t eat the dead ones,’ and you know what they mean.
…You don’t really teach people the right way to eat crawfish, so there’s more for you.
…Your idea of cutting back on calories is to suck the heads and not eat the tails.
…You enjoy sucking heads more than sucking face.
…Your idea of foreplay is pinching dem tails and sucking dem heads and chasing it down with a cold Dixie beer.
…You burl (boil) crawfish and fry them in erl (oil). Don’t forget to pack the uneaten tails in furl (foil).
…The first thing you do every morning is pick up The Times-Picayune obit section to see `who died inna’papah?’(paper)
…Ya making groceries at Schwegmann’s with ya mama to buy Dixie beer and crawfish so you can eat and suck heads in the French Quarter before a Mardi Gras parade.
…There is a St. Joseph lucky bean in ya mama’s coin purse and on yo’dressa’ too.
…When you speak with a tourist, he asks, `Are you from Brooklyn?’
…You make groceries at Schwegmann’s to get da’ Zatarains for da’ crawfish. Den’, ya’ suck da heads of those crawfish for da’ juice. Don’t forget da’ beer and da’ white Russian daiquiris. Afterwards, you go down to Randazzo’s for some king cake. While in da’ parish, you stop at Rocky’s for some baked macaroni and pok(pork)chops to take home. On Mondays, you get da’ begneits, coffee anna’Gambit. (Dat’ Gambit has everything.) For lunch, you go down to Mother’s for some red beans and rice. Tomorrow, you get da’muffaletta at da’Central Grocery. And dat’s what we do in N’awlins, dawlin’.
…You’re not afraid when someone wants to ‘ax’ you.
…You were born at Baptist, raised in Metry and hang with Vic and Nat’ly.
…You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.
…You fill your Nativity creche with king cake babies dressed like Jesus, Mary, Joseph, the wise men and the angels.
…You go buy a new winter coat and throw your arms up in the air to make sure it allows enough room to catch Mardi Gras beads.
…You have a parade ladder in your shed.
…Your finest china has ‘Endymion’ written on it.
…Your first sentence was, ‘Throw me something mistah,’ and your first drink was from a ‘go-cup’.
…You wonder what Anne Rice has against a building that looks like a Mardi Gras float.
…You still write ‘NOPSI’ on your utility bill.
…You have a special set of well-broken-in shoes you refer to as your ‘French Quarter’ shoes.
…You still call the convenience store ‘Timesaver.’
…You move somewhere else and you feel like you are from Oz and you moved to Kansas.
…Everywhere else just seems like Cleveland.
…You’re a lil’ short on money but it’s O.K. ’cause ya’ can get a ‘frenchfry poboy wit’ ros’beef gravy and it’s jus’as good and it’ll fill ya’up too.
…You can remove the cap from a Tabasco bottle with one hand.
…You ask someone where they went to school and they tell you which ‘high school’ they attended.
…You remember waiting up and staying awake for complete TV coverage of the meeting of the Comus and Rex courts.
…You watch a movie filmed in New Orleans and say things like, ‘Dere ain’t no way they can run out of a cemetery right on to Bourbon Street … and don’t call me “Cher.”‘
…You haven’t been to Bourbon Street in years.
…You bring empty ‘grocery bags’ to a parade.
…That brown bag you take to the Saints game ain’t your lunch.
…You know that ‘Tipitina’ is not a gratuity for a waitress named Tina.
…You have to buy a new house because you ran out of wall space for Jazz Fest posters.
…You drink ‘Dixie’, whistle ‘Dixie’ and name your dog ‘Dixie’.
…You still hope Angela and Garland get back together.
…You worry about deceased family members ‘returning’ in spring floods.
…You reply to anything and everything about life here with, “Only in New Orleans.”
…You really were in Tulane Stadium during the Saints first game when John Gilliam ran the opening kickoff back for a touchdown.
…You’re out of town and you stop and ask someone where there’s a drive-thru daiquiri place (then they look at you like you have three heads).
…You consider a Bloody Mary a ‘lite’ breakfast.
…You go to sleep Friday evening before you go out Friday night.
…You like your crawfish so hot, you can’t distinguish between sweat, a runny nose and crawfish juice.